After my son, Jack, was born, a friend texted me and said, ?Congratulations! I?ll see you when he?s six.? I smiled, not knowing if he was joking. He wasn?t joking. Jack is now five and a half, and my friend wasn?t exactly right but eerily close?I have seen him maybe three or four times since that fateful, extraordinary, stressful, life-changing day.
That friend wasn?t the only one to drop off. After I became a dad, my social life atrophied, practically overnight. Having a kid, as any parent knows, instantly transforms your relationship to almost everything and everyone, including friends you once considered the most important people in your life. Some friends will drift away, some you will inadvertently ignore, and still others will ignore the very fact of your new parenthood (?C?mon, this fourth glass of wine isn?t going to drink itself!?). And, of course, you yourself will engage, consciously or not, in a kind of friendship triage, during which your social circle will get mercenarily rearranged: Who will bring over home-cooked meals" Who will watch the baby while you take a shower" Who will expertly feign interest in your monologues about infant bowel movements" Just as good sleep will vanish and your sex life diminish, so too will your social circle shrink?or, at least, be completely altered. What I didn?t expect, and what I?m still grappling with, is how persistent, multi-faceted and disorienting this transformation can be. It hit me last summer when my w...