Being a father to a chaotic, danger-seeking toddler is one of the most rewarding yet draining experiences I?ve ever had. Seeing her face fill with excitement when I come home from work is exactly what I pictured when I first envisioned becoming a parent. But when I think about the idea of my wife getting pregnant again, I?m terrified.
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, I cried because I was so happy. Becoming a father was everything that I ever wanted to be, and deep down I know I want to be one again. But shortly after the birth of our daughter, I started to suffer from postpartum depression (yes, dads suffer too).
I had struggled with depression in the past and now, after wanting a baby for so long, I suddenly hated the fact that I had become a father. Despite my every effort, I couldn?t bond with my own daughter. I was jealous of the time she took from my wife, I regretted her birth and I effectively felt like my life had been ruined by the unbearable weight of responsibility. The depression continued to worsen and eventually I felt guilty over everything I felt, and I thought that my family would be better off without me. As terrible as it is to admit, there was a part of me that just wanted to run away and leave everything behind. Of course, I didn?t run away?I realized that what I was feeling was depression, and you can?t run away from depression. So I kept working at bonding with my daughter and, with the unwavering support of my wife, I got better. It was...