Growing up in 1990s diet culture, I understood there was a formula for beauty: Flat stomach + thin legs + clear skin + big boobs.
But like many girls, I didn?t match up?thanks in part to the natural curve to my abdomen I?d developed at age 13. This was the beginning of what would be a decades-long unhealthy relationship with my body that bordered on dysmorphia. So when I got pregnant for the first time in 2014, I was well primed to develop an even more complex relationship with my body, wherein I was all at once in awe of it, grateful to it, and, after my first son was born and I was still carrying an extra 20 pounds, ashamed of it.
Six years ago, the concept of body positivity hadn?t quit taken a cultural foothold, so the prevalent idea was still to get back to your ?pre-baby body? ASAP, just like the celebs on magazine covers who claimed to have lost 30 pounds in six weeks by snacking on handfuls of almonds. Craving the attention postpartum moms get when they lose the baby weight (?You look soooo skinny!? and ?You?re amazing that you lost all of that weight and took care of a baby!?), I hunkered down at 12 months? postpartum and went on Weight Watchers. I’d always been active and enjoyed walking and strength training at home, but it wasn?t having enough of an impact to get me where I wanted to be?where my jeans would fit again?and I was desperate to get there. When I lost the weight and started to receive my own share of positive comments, I finally felt validated. ...