by Tara Shafer posted in Parenting

Teaching children to form healthy friendships can be tricky. Watching children discover one another is one of the great pleasures of parenting. But this part of parenting is not without challenges. (That?s an understatement -- this part can, and has, broken me).
When actor Mindy Kaling describes a best friend as a tier rather than as a person, she is dead right. There is no reason to honor one friendship above all others. This is an unsustainable model. Most women go through life gathering friends and loving them extravagantly. Speaking in generalities (admittedly) women are raised to have deep and intense friendships.
My women friends have shaped me, have given me voice, have given me comfort. I cannot imagine who I would be without their presence in my life at critical moments. Children too have intense friendships. These sweet friendships are sometimes meteoric. They may outgrow one another. They may argue and have no skills to set it right. When a fallout (or just a weird rift/drift) occurs this can cause confusion.

However, if I am going to steal a page from the Mindy Kaling playbook, I will ask that my children honor their friends -- all of their friends. That they resist the urge to give in to angry or peevish confusion. Even if a friendship ebbs, nothing is taken from the importance it once held. The memory of time spent remains precious. So celebrate that which was given.
I?d like to teach my children that choosing one best fri...