by Becky Vieira posted in Parenting

Since giving birth I feel like I?ve grown six additional arms, turning me into a multitasking octopus with night vision and poor bladder control. Yet my husband behaves as if he?s been blindfolded with his arms tied behind his back. And he?s not exactly troubled by this evolution, either.
Can someone please explain to me how fatherhood has turned my once-capable husband into the human equivalent of tits on a bull"
I?ve learned to pick things up with my toes, carry swaddle blankets in my mouth, and feed my son while changing his diaper (usually because he?s just peed on me). I can hold my child and a number of other things in a variety of kid/ridiculously heavy and awkward object combos, including: baby/full laundry basket, baby/bags of groceries, baby/another small human, etc. Meanwhile, if my husband is holding our son he can?t have anything else in his hands. Once I asked him to take him from my arms and he asked me to hold his Kleenex. A singular Kleenex tissue.
Oh, and if you think ?mom brain? is a real phenomenon when a woman can't remember squat after the birth of a baby, you should meet my husband.

One night I was convinced a band of ninjas had invaded our home. In my mind there could be no other reason why my husband would scream inaudibly from one side of the house to the other, forcing me to abandon the first relaxing bath I?d taken in the five months since our son was born.
I sprinted across the house completely naked,...