by Whitney Barthel posted in Parenting

No child or adolescent should ever feel the weight of responsibility that comes with caring for an individual with special needs. No sibling should ever should feel like they have to choose between caring for their brother/sister and doing what they want with their life. But, it happens. And, I pray it?s a decision my children never have to make.

      *My sons: Daniel, who has Down syndrome, Frankie, and George.
I recently finished re-reading The Life We Bury by Allen Eskins. Even though it isn?t a conventional tearjerker, I found myself sobbing throughout the whole book.
The protagonist in the book, Joe, has an autistic brother named Jeremy. At one point during the book Joe has to make the decision to either quit school to take care of Jeremy, or to leave Jeremy with their alcoholic mother and not know if he would be adequately cared for. I cried because I was mad at the life Joe had been dealt and the crappy decision he would have to make. I cried because I was angry at Jeremy and Joe?s crappy mom. I cried because I hated that I could actually sympathize with their horrible mother, knowing what it?s like to feel the need to escape the reality of constant caregiving for someone with special needs. And I cried upon realizing something I never had considered before reading this book -- Joe felt guilty that he didn?t want to choose his brother over his own life.
I'm no stranger to special-needs guilt, in fact, I have written abo...