by Maggie Downs posted in Parenting

I didn?t realize that giving birth to a child also meant birthing a significant and inexorable anxiety. But the moment my vernix-sticky son snuggled against my body, I finally understood the saying ? that having a child is like having your heart walking around outside of your chest.
I loved him so much, and I was so frightened for this tiny thing in a big, big world, I almost couldn?t breathe.
The next couple months felt like one panic spiral after another. I worried about my son sleeping ? was he too still" I worried about his crying ? was that a normal cry" I worried the car seat had somehow shifted while driving, and I pulled over by the side of the road to check it.
It didn?t help that I was so sleep-deprived, I was almost hallucinating. I didn?t put the baby in the dishwasher, right" A recent New York Times essay echoed that time in my life.
Kelly Kautz writes, ?I spent the first few weeks after my son?s birth washing my hands over and over. (What new parent doesn?t") I developed elaborate rituals for wiping the sink. (Who knew what germs were left over from last night?s chicken") My mind hummed with a tinnitus of dread. (What parent isn?t nervous")
"'Things are fine,? my husband told me. ?Try to relax."
?'I can?t relax. Every second I?m thinking: ?Where is the baby" What?s the baby doing" Is he breathing" Is he O.K."??
Yep. Same. Me.

 
Kautz cites a study by psychol...