by Kelly Wilbanks posted in Parenting

I'm trapped in a prison of my own making. I know I should have been strong when Annie was 4 months old and needed to learn sleeping skills, but I folded time and time again. Now, I have a baby who would rather scream in her crib for hours than just lie down and get the sleep she needs. And I feel ashamed.
I remember a conversation I had with my old pastor and his wife. They shared how they left their son to cry in his bedroom all night so that he'd learn how to sleep. It worked for them. The next night he cried less and by the end of the week he was sleeping through the night. They did that with all their children and he, they claimed, had by far been their hardest.
I couldn't bring myself to do the same with my first, Vivianne. Stories like that make me feel weak. I just can't deal with a crying baby. I stress. I worry. I can't seem to resist being the answer to their cry. I try to be tough -- like the other night when I put Annie (my 15-month-old) in her crib to cry it out. She was in there for an hour before I folded. Her crib is in the same room where her sisters sleep, so I sent them to my bedroom so I could tough it out with Annie. I was so tired. Her dad was on his way, but wouldn't be home until midnight. No one was sleeping. Everyone was exhausted and I felt bad for making her sisters suffer too. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
She was a sad, wet, overly-tired mess. She was practically hyperventilating. She didn't ...